As you may already know, I am an avid gardener. Tomatoes are currently in season and while browsing at Lowes, I was shocked to realize that pretty much all of the tomato varietals have names that sound either like rappers or stripper names:
Why does this make me think of The Big Lebowski?
- Better Bush
- Beefmaster
- Tami G
- Mr. Stripey
- Big Boy
- Better Boy
- New Girl
- German Queen
- Black Prince
- German Johnson
- Juliet Tomato
- Black Krim
- Park’s Whopper
- Big Beef
- Husky Cherry Red
- Hot Red Cherry
- Cajun Belle
Black Krim tomatoes growing in my garden! Ride or Die.
You can’t make that shit up.
More porny tomato fun: you can apparently produce more tomatoes by masturbating the blossoms either by manually jerking them or by using an electric toothbrush (I’m betting a vibrator works better, though). Tomatoes are the self-sufficient genderqueers of the plant world, containing both male and female junk in the flowers, but sometimes they need a little help mixing that pollen.
I’m making good progress in that department though.
What are you growing this summer?
MsBehaved.com 
My tomatoes bushes are the biggest ever (gotta keep the dirty theme going.) No fruit yet, but plenty of flowers. I’m afraid I lost the name, some heirloom Italian variety. Apparently pineapple guava is another hermaphrodite. Tickle the flowers with a paintbrush to get results.
This is the best gardening article ever. I am going to find the porn-yest tomatoes I can when I start my garden next year.
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