5 Ways to Enjoy a Baggage Free Valentines Day

This piece is from 2013 but I think some of you may enjoy it in 2014!

People get so bent out of shape about Valentine’s Day. I think the problem is we get so hung up on the idea that it’s about having a romantic love interest and corporate bullshit that we totally miss the point that it can be about self love, or the love we have for friends, or just eating a lot of candy.

It seems like come Valentines Day I am usually either single, or in some ambiguous romantic arrangement where we can’t really commit to celebrating with any seriousness (one dude I dated thought it was HILARIOUS to give me a Valentine’s Day card with a birthday card glued inside as a “joke,” hahaha fuck you). This is a less crappy arrangement than you’d think it would be, because it takes off the stress off of trying to figure out what to do with your partner (buy each other ponies? try to get a restaurant reservation? not celebrate at all?) and just have fun, and spend money on yourself instead. You can be super romantic even if you are single, and make the perfect Valentine’s Day Miracle happen for yourself! Here are five tips for not stressing out on Valentine’s Day, irrelevant of your relationship status:

1. Buy yourself a cool present, such as jewelry, fancy chocolate, flowers or a new sex toy.

cobra ring

I got myself this baller Cobra ring to represent my commitment to self-love, and also because it’s year of the snake and snakes are rad. Plus, wearing a snake ring makes me feel like a pimp.

And if you’re broke, you can always shoplift a cool present for yourself! (I didn’t actually just tell you to do that.)

2. Put together a fancy red and pink manicure, eye shadow look, or outfit, like my fashionable friend Brad did:

16304_10100328477241257_1525178753_nPink is the new black!!!


When you are Brad, you dress this fancy every day.

3. Ditch work/school to masturbate, or go find a stranger to make out with at a bar!   Seriously, this is the night that the single people come out of the woodwork to get their freak on. Enjoy it.

4. Make a tasty treat to share with your friends! My friend Brazilian Maik and I made homemade marshmallows using Alton Brown’s recipe.


I dipped them in chocolate, put them in heart emblazoned baggies, and gave them as gifts to some of my favorite people.

5. Spam your friends Facebook walls’ with the most ridiculous virtual valentines cards you can find! Here are some of my favorite from this year:


Why have a bad time when you can have a great time? Leave your favorite V-Day coping strategies in the comments!



  1. Thank you so much for this post and making all of us remember we always have ourselves and that is better than having any one else.

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