Cecelia and Bianca Take a Trip: Or, a Tour of the Sex Shops of Rural Indiana

I’m moving from Chicago to Bloomington, Indiana in two months, so my ladypal Cecelia Strick9 and myself took a road trip so I could look for an apartment. We also decided to visit every rural sex shop we passed on the way, because we’re both pervs like that.

DAY 1:

We hit the road Thursday morning, driving 4.5 hrs to make my first apartment showing, forgetting that Bloomington is one hour ahead of Chicago. Oops. We did make a pit stop for ice cream at a dairy farm has a live calf birthing barn. I-65 is fun, lots of fun little detours (wineries, bizarro churches, chocolate factories, and of course aforementioned trucker sex shops), and scary signs that say shit like “HELL IS REAL” and “MOST WOMEN REGRET THEIR ABORTIONS!!!!” (Cecelia and I would beg to disagree).  Bloomington is where Dr. Alfred Kinsey did his groundbreaking sexuality research in the 1940’s and 50’s, so it’s a happy, sex-positive liberal hippy town, but the rest of Indiana (save maybe Indianapolis) is pretty redneck and weird. Lots of wind farms. I’m still note sure what a “Hoosier” is either, but I suppose I’ll find out?

Also, this billboard? Kind of random in the midst of all the fundamental Christian propaganda. Has something to do with this, apparently.

The first couple apartment viewings were a wash, so we called it a day and went for dinner at Chef Daniel Orr’s restaurant FarmBloomington.  They specialize in tasty cocktails and  food made with ingredients sourced from local farms, and it’s pretty damn tasty. We enjoyed zucchinis stuffed with goat cheese and mushrooms, steak tartare, and a pizza called the “Wild Bianca,” (white pizza with pesto, wild mushrooms and ricotta) because duh, it’s named after me.

Cecelia was visibly excited about our dessert of blueberry bottom cake with lemon curd, and almond macaroons with rhubarb compote and buttermilk lavender sorbet. (The sorbet was kind of icy and crunchy, we decided it would have worked better as a panna cotta, because we’re food snobs.)

After dinner, we grabbed tea at Soma coffeeshop, went back to our hotel and watched a bunch of Portlandia til bedtime (my high school biology teacher Mr. Panasenko has a very brief cameo in the allergy pride parade sketch.)

DAY 2:

More ugly apartments, but one of the realtor offices was serendipitously located next to an 24 hour sex shop called “College Books,” that featured a sketch of a 1980’s Nagel Girl on the sign. Contrary to what the sign implied there was nary a college textbook to be seen, but I found a We-Vibe II on sale! (It’s a vibrator that can be worn during sex that simultaneously stimulates the clit and g-spot. There’s a remote controlled 3rd generation version as well, but I figured I’d try the original before making the bigger investment.)

We finally found a winning apartment in a cute green 1920’s era Duplex bungalow (I also checked out a sweet house owned by a very sexy Ryan Gosling doppelganger, but the lack of laundry facilities was a deal breaker). We celebrated with lunch at FarmBloomington again (it’s that good), and getting pedicures. (I painted my toes bright jade green to match my new house.)

 

Come evening, we hit the road, determined to hit every sex shop on the way home (well, all two of them.) The first was a Cirilla’s outside of Indianapolis, a shop that specializes in tons of stripper gear in addition to the standard porn, toys and bachelorette party gear.

 

They had a huge plus size lingerie section, which was awesome, and some seriously amazing stripper gear, including this pair of lucite heels with a built-in slot for tips. Cecelia was also able to pick up some non-slip sole pads for her athletic pole dancing habit.

 

 

About an hour out from Chicago we hit the Lion’s Den, a big adult superstore that kind of looks like it was built in a former Pizza Hut. Everything there is ridiculously overpriced, but it’s actually a pretty woman-friendly shop, and the sassy gay clerk is to die for. They had some amazing shit in their clearance section, including a vibrating blindfold. Lolwhut?

Kinky Sex: You’re Doing It Wrong.

On that note, I’ll conclude our Roadtrip report! Hope y’all had a fun weekend as well!

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Comments

  1. shannonhumphreys says:

    Glad to hear you found a kick ass apartment!
    Funny enough, we walked past the local porn shop today and commented on how it was open (almost nothing is until you hit the high street because of that whole Jubilee business) and how neither of us have ever been in it. I promised the hubby I’d be dragging him in there the next time we walked by without our 4 year old.

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