Dear Ms. Behaved: Jonna Ivin Answers It For You

Dear Ms. Behaved,

My best friend, who I love dearly, is getting married.  I am really happy for her, but since she started planning for the wedding, dealing with her has been a  nightmare. If I hear “This is about my BIG DAY “one more time I’m going to scream! I am her Maid of Honor and was thrilled when she asked me, but now every time my cell phone rings, I cringe.  She calls twenty times a day to make sure I have completed whatever task she has given me and then nit-picks every detail to make sure I didn’t screw it up. 

I am not the only one having issues with her. Most of her friends and bridesmaids don’t even want to come to bachelorette party. The wedding is in three weeks and I am afraid I will go off on her if she doesn’t stop being a complete and total bitch. How do I get her to stop treating me and the other bridesmaids like we are her employees?

-Wedding Woes

Dear Woes,

This calls for an intervention! Talk to the other bridesmaids and her close friends and arrange a lunch or get together at one of your homes. The reason I suggest doing this as a group is that I suspect she’s so wrapped up in her own ego, she won’t hear you and will simply dismiss it as jealously. No doubt, she would immediately leave you and call another friend to bitch.  And even through that friend will totally agree you, she will most likely chicken out and numbly go along with whatever the bride is saying in order to stay under the radar.

Now here is the most important part – Be kind! Tell her that you love her, that you want her BIG DAY to be the best ever, but let her know that she is stressing everyone out with her antics. As the Maid of Honor, you should be the one to talk and also you need to take on the responsibility to see that this doesn’t turn into rip-the-bride-a-new-one- attack-fest.  The last thing this bride needs is to be ganged up on by all her closest friends three weeks before her BIG DAY.

If it helps everyone keep their cool, have them write down what they want to say. Keep it simple and to the point. Speak to the other bridesmaids beforehand and make sure everyone is on the same page, so that when the time comes to talk to her the topic doesn’t go off  the rails and turn into personal attacks.

A wedding should be a joyous celebration and your friend has lost sight of this. It doesn’t matter if every guest gets exactly seven Jordan almonds or every petal on every flower of her bouquet is perfect, it’s about love. Remember that when you let her know what a nightmare she has been!

Dear Ms. Behaved,

I recently came out as a lesbian to my mother. It went very well, maybe too well. My mom is now obsessed with my life. When she thought I was straight she never asked me about who I was dating or cared much about my love life, but now it’s all she ever talks about. If I mention having lunch with a friend she grills me if this is a potential girlfriend. Whenever we go shopping, she checks out women and wants to know if “that’s my type.” She even went so far as to ask a waitress if she had ever been with a woman and if she was single. It’s so embarrassing.

I know other people who have come out to their families and been rejected so I am extremely grateful that my Mom is supportive, but this has to stop. 

-Going Back in the Closet

Dear Going Back,

I’m sorry, but it’s kind of funny. I get the feeling that she probably knew on some level that you were gay, and that is why she never pushed you about relationships before. Now that you have been honest with her, she is simply doing that typical meddling mom thing that straight girls and guys have had to deal with for centuries. Roll your eyes, cover your head, or hide under the table when she embarrasses you! That’s what all the straight kids do.  Just know that when you find someone special and bring her home to meet Mom, she will no doubt have all the naked baby pictures ready to show your new love.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

My hope for you is that some day when this country finally allows same sex marriage, your mother will drink too much champagne at your wedding, dance the funky chicken and sob on some strangers shoulder that she is losing her baby forever! You will be mortified and it will be one of the most treasured moments of your life.

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