Knockin’ Boots and Knitting Booties: The Joys of Pregnant Sex

My name is Brighid. I’m 32. I’m finishing a PhD. I live happily with my partner of 11 years. I’m a running, knitting, drinking, foodie, sex-positive feminist– and now: I’m pregnant.

While carousing the fertility and pregnancy message boards it occurred to me that many women posting in those forums used the appendage “tmi” when describing run of the mill things pertaining to their bodies and sex lives, and cover squeamishness with acronyms. Sex becomes “baby dancing” (BD), vaginas are referred to only in clinical terms as “v’s” or even just “down there”, breasts are “bbs”, many women describe apprehension at checking basic fertility signs such as cervical fluid or position, and sexual desire and sexuality take a solid backseat to the drive to procreate and become a (desexualized) mother.

There isn’t much of a place for women like me whose major questions pertaining to pregnancy and sex (that is, stuff not covered in What to Expect When You Are Expecting) fall under the lines of “can we try fisting now, or should we wait until the third trimester because excessive cervical stimulation may trigger contractions?” “Does the GI distress ever calm down, or will we have to give up anal play for the entire pregnancy?” Or, “how to deal with hormonal changes that affect sex drive akin to the pubescent years? From highs that forced me to block access to LitErotica so that I would stop masturbating and actually get some work done (ah, the advantages of a writing fellowship that supports working at home), to lows that made me wonder if I’d ever feel horny again.”

The purpose of this series is to chronicle both one pro-sex feminist’s and her GGG husband’s journey into pregnancy, and to use this space for an open, honest, and hopefully entertaining discussion about sex while gestating. For the record, we are a monogamous couple. I identify as a currently-non-practicing bisexual woman and my partner is a generally straight GGG man. Together, we share a love of toys, props, lube, porn, windows our neighbors kind of can’t see into, and breasts.

So enough with the intro and into the good stuff. What kind of things will I cover?

1. Sex while trying to conceive (ttc): lots of it (yay!), But on a schedule. Charting for drinking purposes (hah! And you thought charting was to pinpoint ovulation…). Baby making-friendly positions (apparently titty fucking isn’t one of them, who knew?), and the bane of our ttc existence: sperm-friendly lube (shudder).

2. Sex during the first trimester – juggling waning desire while battling nausea and boobs that have grown to porn star proportions but are as sore as a 12 year old’s buds in the throes of puberty (there’s titty fucking back out the window again). Plus, when pheromones collide! Or, how my crazy hormones affected my husband.

3. Beginning of the 2nd trimester – in which my normally dirty mind decides to take up permanent residence in the gutter, and the joyful return to a less-fragile cervix.

4. Looking forward, I’ll be exploring the adventures and challenges that come with:

-No longer being able to lay on my back. (After the 2nd trimester the weight of the uterus presses on the vena cava, a major vein that runs to your legs. Spend too long on your back and you’ll cut off blood flow in both directions. )

-The challenge of changing anatomy, or will I be able to reach my clit around my belly? Or will my Panasonic Easy Reach become my even bester best friend?

-Fisting training for labor! Inspired by the intrepid Bianca James’ own post on “Fisting 101” we had to postpone a foray into fisting due to getting pregnant in the first place. But what is fisting than a sexier version of perianal massage?

Come join me, I’ll see you all again as soon as I polish off this jar of pickles.

-Brighid

(Get your own knitted uterus here, or learn how to make your own at Government Free VJJ!)

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Comments

  1. shannonhumphreys says:

    Yay! 30 weeks and 2 days here and the horniness is NOT leaving. It’s getting harder to move around much, but I’m still totally up for it (and can still totally reach around my bump!)

    The way people talk on the TTC boards drove me absolutely nuts.The posts on the actual pregnancy boards aren’t much better. Everyone seems to complain about their partners being jerks and no one seems to be getting laid. I’m totally excited for this series!

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