Dear Ms. Behaved : Jonna Answers It For You

Dear Ms Behaved,

I am writing to you out of concern for my younger sister. She is still in high school and has always been a bigger girl. Recently I came home for a visit from college and was shocked by how much weight she has put on. She is now bordering on obesity. I tried to encourage her to eat better and work out but she gets defensive when I bring the up the subject. I don’t want to upset her, but I am worried for her health.  I talked to my parents about her weight, but they seem to have given up. How do I get my sister to take better care of herself? Should I try again to find a weight loss program for her?

-Worried Sis

Dear Worried,

Having grown up with an alcoholic mother, I know all about wishing someone would live their life differently, but unfortunately there is little we can do until the person is ready to change. I suggest you talk to your sister, not about her weight, but about how much you love her and that you are there to support her if she ever wants your help. The rest will have to be up to her. I am sure that there isn’t a diet, weight loss or exercise program that you could find that your sister hasn’t already seen and no doubt tried before.  People are usually very aware of themselves and know better than anyone what they need to do. It’s just a matter of finding that motivation within to make the change. Until then, all you can do is lead by example. Eat healthy, exercise, and when she is ready she will come to you for help.

Dear Ms. Behaved,

I have been dating this new guy for a couple of months now. He’s really cute and we have a lot of fun together. There is only one problem. Our sex life is awful! He’s a jack rabbit. I’ve tried telling him to slow down, and for the first minute he will and then it’s back to pounding away. Although he is quite happy to have me perform oral sex on him, he won’t reciprocate. I asked him about it once and he said he’s just not into it and that he would please me in other ways. I’m still waiting for that to happen.
What should I do? I really like this guy. He’s funny and sweet, but I wonder if it’s enough.

-Sexually Frustrated

Don’t let this be you.

Dear Frustrated,

Get another boyfriend. Keep Mr. Sweet and Funny around as a friend and go get laid by a real man that isn’t completely selfish in bed. Maybe if enough jack rabbits end up alone they might figure out that women have needs too and they better figure out what those are. Any moron with thumbs can Google “How to please a woman” and figure out how to get the job done. Sorry, but this guy just sounds like a douche bag to me. You’ve asked him to slow down and he doesn’t. You’ve mentioned oral and he won’t. He’s promised to please you in other ways and you are still waiting. Other than hitting him upside the head with a giant dildo, I don’t know how else to knock some sense into him.

I am a firm believer that if two people engage in sex, then two people should have a giant happy orgasm glow when it’s over. If you are determined to keep this guy around, then here’s a thought, the next time he’s feeling frisky, tell him, “No thanks.” When he asks why, tell it to him straight, “It’s not fun having sex when you’re the only one having an orgasm.  We can work on it together and both have a good time or you can go it alone.”

In the meantime, I think all of us women should start writing to the President and get a National Women’s Orgasm Day established. I, for one, am tired of all sexual activity being focused on the man finishing. We deserve at least one day where total attention is on us and our toe curling happiness! Men will soon understand that the happier we women are, the better their life gets!

###

Read more of Jonna’s sage advice here.
Have questions?  Jonna has answers.  Email her!  jonna@msbehaved.com

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Comments

  1. My two cents as a Public Health grad student, and healthy “obese” person who enjoys vegetables and exercise: this girl’s sister probably already knows she’s fat and struggles with it, while the sister’s intentions are well meaning, speaking up might simply make her feel worse (which, in my case, ironically leads to emotional eating). I fight with my doctors a lot, though my doctor will admit that a fit fat person is healthier than an inactive thin person, and that Yoyo dieting can really fuck up your metabolism- if you live a relatively healthy lifestyle it’s better to maintain than lose a ton of weight and gain it all back (and more). It’s hard to separate the ideas of “healthy lifestyle” from “thin,” but I think that some fat people would have healthier lifestyles if they weren’t constantly told they are intrinsically unhealthy on the basis of their size. (And yes, I was pretty “in yo face!” with my doc when my bloodwork came back perfect.)

    Body image and health is ultimately an incredibly complex and highly personal thing.

    • Hear, hear! As a former chubster, I agree that well-meaning comments and advice were not at all helpful. I am now technically at “healthy” weight, but my eating habits are atrocious and I do not exercise at all. So really, there’s nothing healthy about it.

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