Day of the Dawn of the Mommy-Zombies

She wants to ruin your life. (Yes, that’s me.)

Despite what seems to be the overwhelming consensus on the Internet, I do not expect the arrival of my new baby to implode my marriage.  “How do you intend to salvage your wreck ofa relationship once you are the proud owner of yet another mewling spawn,” you ask?  I don’t.  There is going to be no wreck to salvage, and I have to say, I’m pretty sick of reading everywhere  I look how having children is ruining my life, body and all my important relationships.  Because everybody knows that once you pop out a baby you will alienate your childless friends by talking about nothing but poop! That your flabby, stretch mark ridden body will send your poor husband (who you are neglecting, by the way, you horrible shrew!) running for the hills. That is,  if by “hills” you mean a much younger, firmer and less sleep deprived woman. Am I right?

Look, let’s just step back for a moment and pretend we’re all adults, shall we?  There is a lot of nonsense out there, and it’s painting a very unfair picture of new parents, who don’t really need to be kicked when they’re already down.  First of all, my favorite thing about my childless friends is that they can and will talk to me in grown up voices(!), with grown up words(!) about anything other than babies.  When my life becomes a 24 hour a day marathon of breast feeds and dirty nappies, I will be so thankful for that friend who calls me up to tell me all about some party she went to where some rando got so drunk she peed in the closet and lost her shoes.  I love you, childless friends!  You are my anchor to life outside this bubble.

As for my husband, well, we’ve been to this rodeo before.  We know what we signed up for, and we did it anyway.  Yes, the first few months will be one long bleary-eyed slog through endless feedings and games of what-does-that-cry-mean, but after awhile things calm down.  You get the hang of it. While it can be rough going for a bit, there’s no real reason why anyone should feel neglected.  If you loved each other enough to start a family together, love each other enough acknowledge each other’s needs.  Communicating helps.  None of this is rocket science.

What about the woman who loses herself?  I’m always reading about these amazingly cool and creative women who have a baby and then suddenly turn into mommy-zombies, incapable of holding a conversation and completely devoid of interests outside of their children.  Personally, I have never met one of these soulless husks, but I can see a kernel of truth in there.  In those first few harried months of your devil baby’s life, it can be really hard to find time for yourself.  It can be hard to find time to bathe, what with all the ritual sacrifices, (I kid.  There’s nothing that cool going on.) so the idea that your interests might go neglected for a little while is not exactly what I’d call outrageous.  But it’s only for a little while!  I swear.  There will come a time when your baby is napping, your child is at school and all the dishes are already done.  You’ll look around wondering what to do first, and it will be entirely up to you!



  1. To me, it seems like a lot of women completely lose themselves after they have kids, especially on places like FB and twitter, kids are all they talk about. I think it’s sad, really.

    • shannonhumphreys says:

      Seriously? I don’t know anyone like this. Even of Facebook or Twitter, which I wouldn’t be surprised by, because lots of people only talk about one facet of their lives on line. I think I’d feel bad and offer to take them out to a movie or something if I did, though!

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