Dropping the Ball

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Footy, but if you have then you understand why Australians are known to be tough, crazy, and dangerous.  Footy is actually “Australian Rules Football”, or AFL for short. It’s American football, rugby and soccer mixed into one sport where no padding is worn, fights are allowed and shit talking is encouraged. Not to mention the passionate and fanatical fan base! As soon as you step on Australian soil you will be asked who you barrack for. There is no need to question it, Aussies will ask you about Footy and you better have an answer, with a team scarf to match it.

My first time going to a game, I heard things come from the mouths of strangers that I never knew you could say in public, unless you were looking to be escorted out of the stadium by security. The yelling was not only coming from drunk, middle aged men with beer guts and bald spots but from good looking woman in their teams jumpers and heels also. “F**king smash him, SMASH HIM, you wanker!” I believe were her exact words.

We got last minute standing room tickets (the cheapest seats!) which means we stand the entire time in a fenced off area guarded with heavy security, watching over the passionate fans (…more like furious). It is no wonder then why the scariest moment of my life this far happened at a Footy game. It was fast and quick but still terrifying. The first half of the game was going fantastically well, our team was up and we were on the right track to win.

It was then that it happened… I dropped my purse – no, wait. To be exact I spilled all the contents of my purse onto the floor. I will give you the play by play of how it all went down.

  1. I sat down when half time came along.
  2. I got up when the game resumed.
  3. On my way up I accidentally hit my purse to my knee turning it upside down and watching everything inside fall on to the floor in slow motion.
  4. Look up in fear to see the reaction of people around me.

When I looked up I realized I was not the most terrified person in our fenced area. The tough men around me four beers deep and threatening the life of their most hated player were far more horrified than I was. The guy to my right was so scared that as soon as he realized what happened he looked away, not wanting to see what might be in my purse, almost as a gesture of respect. The guy in back of me bent down to help but when he realized that what he picked up was a lipstick, he uncomfortably put it back down in the exact spot that he found it and returned to the game. Another guy just looked at me and said “Good luck, mate”. And so it went, man after man ignoring the fact that about 20 random things were on the ground that were not there before.

There was nothing too foul in there: about 4 different shades of lipstick, 1 lip-gloss, 1 chap stick, a tiny box that looks like cigarettes (but are really tampons), my iPhone, my Nokia phone, a small mirror, a half eaten chocolate bar, movie ticket stubs, a black pen, a bottle of water, a pack of post-its, my passport, my wallet and four tiny bottle of bubble solution.

See? Harmless. So why is it that every guy found an excuse not to go near the “scary stuff in a girls purse” as my best man friend likes to put it. There seems to me some unwritten law that says women should never show anyone the insides of their purse. It’s like when you ask a guy to get a pen from your purse, and he hands you the entire thing instead, every single time! Because the only thing that can make men react like a teenage girl witnessing her boyfriend kiss her best friend, is the inside of a woman’s purse. I haven’t heard about any studies that scientifically explain the reasons why this phenomenon happens but I hope to one day find out.

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Comments

  1. shannonhumphreys says:

    Keep your scary evil girl things in your femme super villain bag!! ARRRGH!
    If you were in England I’d say every one was ignoring you so they wouldn’t have to help. LOL I don’t know enough about the Aussies to offer any insight, though.

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