Dear Ms. Behaved: Jonna Ivin Answers It For You

Dear Ms Behaved,

I am a strong, motivated woman who knows what she wants in life. I have always set goals for myself and will not stop until I reach them. I am 24 years old and determined to be married by the time I am 25 because I want to have my first child by 26. That gives me a year to plan the wedding and then a few months to get pregnant. I would like three children before I turn 30-31. I want to be a young mom! All of this is doable if my boyfriend would just get on board with my plans. We have been together for two years and my patience is wearing out. He says he is not ready to get married, but I think he is just being lazy and needs a little pushing.

I know I can get him to change his mind. When I wanted to move in together, he said he was not ready. Well, after I gave him an ultimatum, he changed his mind and everything has worked out great.  His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I am planning to throw him a surprise party. At the party, I will ask him to marry me. I know with his friends and family cheering us on he will say yes, and I can get busy planning the wedding.  

My problem is his sister (who is super nosey and always in our business) says this is not a good idea. She thinks the man should be the one who proposes. This is coming from a woman who is 27 and still single!  Do you think I should exclude her from the party? My boyfriend and his sister are very close but I do not need her negativity ruining my big night.

-Moving Forward in Michigan

Dear Moving Forward,

I think it’s an excellent idea to railroad your boyfriend into marrying you while simultaneously distancing him from his sister. Right after you do that, you can chop off his balls and wear them as earrings at your wedding. Are you out of your ever-loving mind? Slow down! What is the big rush all about?

Look, I’m all for a strong woman setting goals and taking control of her life, but you my dear, are not only taking control of your life, you are trying to control the lives of everyone around you. Where is the joy, the laughter, the fun? You are definitely moving forward, but my fear is you are moving toward becoming middle aged with three kids, stuck in a loveless marriage with a deflated man who long ago had the life sucked out of him. Is there room on your projected path for that?

Try to remember you are young. There is plenty of time for marriage and babies. Lighten up. Be spontaneous.  Have fun. Do you want your man to marry you because he loves you and can’t live without you or because you forced him into an embarrassing situation in front of everyone he knows?  Learn to play fair. This is just wrong on so many levels. You got your way when you gave him an ultimatum to move in together. Consider yourself lucky. Many men would have said, “See ya.” What bothers me the most from your letter is you say nothing of how great your boyfriend is or your love for him. It’s as if he’s an expendable prop in your master plan. And to discount his sisters opinion because she is 27 and still single is downright shameful.

My advice for you is stop all this manipulating bullshit before you find yourself alone, needing to pencil in extra time to meet a new man, get him to marry you and start popping out babies on schedule.  On the day of your boyfriends birthday, I suggest you wake him up with a nice morning blow job, throw him a great party, and let him enjoy his day with a smile on his face. At least one of you should be enjoying your youth.

– Jonna

Photo source


  1. Jonna, you read my mind. All of this COULD work, but ultimately will crash and burn in a terrible pile of hate and recriminations. If he’s not doing what she wants now (marrying her), why does she think he will do what she wants in the future (having children, midnight feedings, paying for college…). You can make all the plans you want for yourself, but mostly you need to plan on adapting to how things are.

  2. Well-put, Jonna. I really appreciate how you set this confused woman straight about manipulation, ultimatums and ragging on unmarried 27 year olds. Also, testicles as wedding earrings. Let’s make this trend happen. LOL.

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