Vicky Kelsey Barcelona

Cristina continued searching… certain only of what she didn’t want.

I relate to this idea. Sometimes I wake up with a strong sense of purpose like “Hey! Today I am going to eat Fruity Pebbles and put $117 in my nonexistent savings account towards my future! Or my student loans!” And other times I wake up and I’m like “Do I have to pee? I don’t know, maybe. I’ll just wait it out cause I’m not sure. I wouldn’t want to get up if i don’t really have to pee yet.” The point is, I don’t know what I want. I literally have no idea. I don’t know if i want to be a famous writer or own a bar on the coast of Belize. I don’t know if i want to raise a talented, well-behaved troop of singing children or live out my days as a tattooed, leathery gypsy lady.

Image stolen from The New Yorker

However, there are a small number of things I do know for sure, and I will share them with you, simply because I want to.

I don’t want to use the acronym SEO in normal conversation.
I don’t have anything against search engine optimization.  It’s important to a lot of people. Hell, I work in the social media industry and it most definitely should be important to me, but it’s just not. It’s like having a conversation about my friend’s sister’s second child. I’ll just never really care that much. If my job were to depend on my SEO knowledge and I were forced to think about it on a daily basis, I would change the meaning of SEO to searching exotic otters. I would rule at that.

I don’t want to get married simply because it’s convenient.
I know a lot of angry adults. I have poured them barrels of whiskey from behind a bar, I have taught their children how to do a one-handed cartwheel, and I have dated their sons. If there is a constant among these seemingly miserable adults, it’s that they are unhappily married. To their credit, perhaps they began their journey of wedded bliss based on glorious things like orgasms, tequila and reggae music and are now surprised to find themselves trapped in a swamp of bills, daycare and linoleum flooring. Whatever the reason, I refuse to get married based on financial security, a case of impregnation, or fear of lost time investment.

I don’t want to miss out on the view.
The world is beautiful. Not all of it, of course. I have witnessed some truly horrific alleys in New York City and driven through hours of tumbleweeds and dirt in Boringtown, West Texas, but there is much more to the world, and I want a piece of it. Money and time are giant factors against any kind of leisurely travel, sure, but there are times when I have had negative hundreds of dollars in my bank account and still did not go hungry or sleep on the street. Somehow, things just work themselves out. If I can figure out how to pay my rent and my Netflix subscription and my probation officer, I can figure out how to take a damn trip.

I don’t want to live in a world where ostriches roam free.
It’s probably too much for me to ask to live in a world where ostriches do not exist or go extinct within my lifetime, and I know this. I also know that they are the T-rex of our generation, and I hate them and they need to be seriously watched at all times by someone other than myself. In fact, you should all go buy ostrich boots for every member of your family for Christmas this year. They asked for them, I promise. The more boots people want, the less living ostriches there are in the world, and the more peacefully I am able to sleep at night.

I don’t want to have to hate anything or anyone.
I really try to be an optimistic person. Life is easier when you stop caring about things that suck. New things will suck that we’ve never even heard of, and old things that suck will suck even harder. Therefore, at least for the time being, or until I mature enough to not let them bother me, I will try to ignore things like Fig Newtons, the word moist and the fact that Snooki is way more famous than i’ll ever be.

So if you can’t decide what the hell you want from this world, fair enough. At least decide what you don’t and go from there.


Originally posted on Kelsey’s blog.   See what else she’s up to here and here.



  1. Hah, this is cute 🙂

    I, too, rarely know what I want. But I definitely know what I don’t want. That’s the easy part!

  2. Definitely don’t get married because it’s convenient!! I almost did, and it would have been a terrible horrific mistake. Hold out for the right person, or don’t bother at all.

  3. I don’t enjoy hearing any techie buzz words, including SEO, early adopter, hyperlocal, social proof, and pretty much everything they talk about in this hilarious video.

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