Let’s Talk About All The Shit I’m Not Going To Make On Pinterest

Oh Pinterest, how I love thee, thee time suck of all time sucks that serves as a not-so-gentle reminder of how I basically don’t know how to do anything.

OK, so I do know how to do some things, I know my way around an icing bag and I know how to hang a picture straight, but I’m just not a craftacular DIY-type of person. Unless DIY means shoving a paper umbrella into a cocktail and joyfully exclaiming “I DID THIS MYSELF.”

I do love Pinterest though. I’m not over it yet. And not only do I love pinning junk I love, but I also love pinning things that I find so utterly stupid or complicated that I would never actually attempt them in the real worlds. Let me show these to you!

Grow Your Own Scallions: Mmmmmkay. I’ll get right on that. Because green onions, forgive me, scallions for all you foodies out there, don’t cost next to nothing at the market and I want one more thing in my garden that bugs can attack and destroy.

Bacon Roses: This is one of those thingies that can be categorized under “Just because you can fry up some bacon and manipulate it to look like a bouquet of flowers doesn’t mean you should do that.”  Bacon is bacon. I like bacon but I’m sick of bacon being a THING, it doesn’t need to go into cupcakes or cocktails or presented to me on Mother’s Day dripping with grease and attached to plastic stems and leaves.

Shove Your Makeup Brushes Into A Plastic Box Filled With Unground Coffee Beans:This is gonna look real fancy until my loose powder falls all over the coffee beans and makes it look like my coffee beans are moldy. Mmmm coffee.

Homemade Mosquito Trap: Hey! Look! It’s that thing from my nightmares! An empty two liter of diet coke and instead of being filled with yummy artificially flavored beverage it is filled with BUGS! Listen, I hate mosquitos as much as everyone, but this is why the good inventor people invented stuff like bug spray and citronella candles and long sleeves and the indoors. I know mosquitos will bite me, I know they will annoy me, but I don’t want to see a bunch of them in one place at one time like some plastic bottle filled of malaria getting ready to break and kill me.

A Soup Made Of Wasps: Okay, so this isn’t really wasp soup but it’s still creepy. See above.

DIY Mascara:  Whaaaaat? The zombies are coming?! And they are taking over Sephora and I won’t be able to buy mascara and now I have to make my own?! Who does this? Why? Are you making your own mascara? Do you not live by a CVS? I need to know these things.

So as much as I admire all of you out there making art with discarded paint chips and fashioning clothing out of used lampshades, I’m so not one of you. So tell me, what are you making from Pinterest? Or better yet, what are you NOT making from Pinterest?

You can follow my boards here!

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Comments

  1. That’s a lovely idea! I keep an eye out in cartihy shops for needles (most of them now class them as dangerous goods unfortunately) but I’ve never seen a properly vintage pattern, just old ones that were best forgetting about. It must fascinating to be able to trace the history of knitting like that though.

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